(apothecarywire 1.14.13) The recent announcement from the White House that the US will not continue to fund Deathstar construction has the NRA up in arms. NRA president David “dead cold heart” Keene claims that not only should the White House be building a Deathstar, but every classroom, school, and evangelical church should have one to remotely control in case of “trouble.”
“If we ban planet destroying spaceships, then the only people with planet destroying spaceships will be brown criminal people that us white people are scared of,” said Keene. “It is clear to me why President Barack Hussein al-Quaeda Obama, as a black man, and probably a criminal, would not want us to protect the country that he runs with a, uh, no wait. Um, nevermind.”
The White House was unavailable for comment.
No Deathstar for you!
[Read the original White House posting This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For.]
Jan 14, 2013 @ 14:04:00
I guess that job application I filled out to work at the DeathStar SnackBar is null and void. Damn.
Jan 15, 2013 @ 08:28:05
They can take my death star only when they pry it from my cold dead hands or something like that. Where’s Charleston Heston when we need him. Har